Welcome to day 15 of my experiment: Going through the Valley of Despair.

My first Christmas and New Year’s celebrations in New Zealand were difficult. It was impossible not to feel the cultural shock of the celebrations. The end of the year always carried more weight for me — more than I liked to admit.

There was a constant sense of emptiness. The longing wasn’t just for my family, but for belonging, for what was familiar, and above all, for affection.

With time — and some maturity — I came to understand that a good end of year doesn’t depend on circumstances, but on my posture.

It’s no longer about where I am or who I’m with, but about my ability to recognize and appreciate what’s good — in people, in moments, and in imperfections.

I learned that if I want to experience a Christmas filled with affection, I need to carry it within me first, rather than wait for it to come from the outside. I stopped focusing on what I lacked and began to focus on the light that already exists within me.

With love,