One of the most disconcerting truths is realizing how much our decisions shape who we are. We live in a hyper-connected world, with an avalanche of choices all the time – which ends up draining our attention and energy, making more conscious decisions difficult. The problem is when we let only external stimuli guide important decisions in our lives or, worse, when the overload paralyzes us and we end up choosing not to decide – which, deep down, is also a choice.

The Decision-making Process

Human decision-making is the most complex in the animal kingdom precisely because we have a broad awareness of the consequences of our choices, the ability to simulate future scenarios, symbolic language and self-awareness.

Contrary to popular belief, the Nobel Prize for Economics Daniel Kahneman debunked the idea that we are purely rational beings, demonstrating on the basis of scientific studies how our emotions and cognitive biases profoundly affect the decision-making process.

It is currently estimated that there are more than 170 cognitive biases that distort our judgment. In order to deal with the excess information of everyday life, our brains resort to mental shortcuts called heuristics. These shortcuts make our decisions faster, but they are inevitably biased – which leads science to conclude that it is practically impossible to make rational 100% decisions.

So, if we know that we are so influenced by mental patterns, what can we do to decide more consciously?

First: Why It’s so Important

To answer the above question, we first need to understand why decisions that are aligned with who we are, i.e. not so distorted by our mental patterns, make such a difference.

Think about it: have you ever made an important decision and then been left with a strange feeling, as if something was out of place? This happens when the choice conflicts with your essence, creating a kind of internal dissonance.

This kind of decision can lead to discomfort, anxiety or even an identity crisis. On the other hand, when we decide in a way that is coherent with our values, needs and inner truths, we feel a sense of relief and peace that comes from fitting in – as if, at last, something has made sense.

Deciding in line with who we are brings four real benefits:

1. Internal coherence generates peace of mind: Decisions that don’t reflect who we are may seem easier in the moment – whether it’s to please, avoid conflict or follow expectations – but they often feel uncomfortable afterwards. On the other hand, when we make decisions that respect our values, we feel an internal alignment that generates emotional tranquillity and clarity about who we are and what we want.
2. Avoid deep regrets: Many people, at the end of their lives, report that their biggest regrets come not from what they did, but from what they didn’t do out of fear, convenience or insecurity. When we make decisions in line with who we really are, we significantly reduce these regrets, because we choose with clarity, presence and intention.
3. It creates a more sustainable and meaningful path: A decision influenced by money, status, validation or fear may seem viable in the short term, but it is unlikely to bring true fulfillment. When your choices don’t reflect your most authentic values or desires, feelings of emptiness, demotivation or even exhaustion are likely to emerge over time. Sustainability, in this case, means a choice that you can sustain with integrity, purpose and connection to who you truly are.
4. Strengthens self-esteem and self-efficacy: Every time you make a decision that respects your truth, you send a message to your brain: “I trust myself”. This builds self-confidence and weakens dependence on external validation.

Techniques that help me make decisions

The Six Chapels Technique

I have ADD and I know how easy it is to get stuck when I’m faced with too many options or start over-analyzing a situation. I’ve read a lot of material trying to find a way to decide more clearly, and Edward De Bono’s six hats technique was one of the most helpful.

The idea is simple and ingenious: instead of mixing emotion, logic, creativity and criticism all at the same time (as we do by default), the technique proposes that we look at each perspective separately – as if we were putting on mental hats of six different colors, each representing a way of thinking. It works as follows: 

The Six Hats of Thought

1. White Hat – Facts and Figures
   Focus: objective and neutral information.
   Typical questions:
   – What do we know?
   – What are the facts?
   – What do we still need to know?
2. Red Hat – Emotions and Intuitions
   Focus: feelings, intuitions and visceral reactions.
   Typical questions:
   – How do I feel about it?
   – What is my instinctive reaction?
3. Black Hat – Criticism and Risks
   Focus: identifying weaknesses, risks and dangers.
   Typical questions:
   – What are the negative points?
   – What could go wrong?
   – Is this feasible?
4. Yellow Hat – Optimism and Potential
   Focus: benefits, opportunities and value.
   Typical questions:
   – What’s good about this idea?
   – How can this work?
   – What are the benefits and learning?
5. Green Hat – Creativity and Alternatives
   Focus: lateral thinking, new ideas, unusual solutions.
   Typical questions:
   – Is there a different way of doing this?
   – Can the two paths be integrated? How would that work?
   – What else could we try?
6. Blue Hat – Control and Organization
   Focus: process management, focus, synthesis.
   Typical questions:
   – What’s the next step?
   – Are we thinking clearly?
   – Have we worn all the hats?

How to apply it in practice?

You can wear hats:

• Alone, mentally go through each way of thinking. Close your eyes and visualize yourself putting on the hat of the corresponding color before starting each analysis;
• In a group (work or family), asking everyone to “wear” the same hat at the same time to explore a collective perspective;

Extra tip: Use the following prompt in your favorite AI to help you:

“Here are my reflections using the first five hats of Edward de Bono’s technique. White Hat (facts): [response]
Red Hat (emotions): [response]
Black Hat (risks):
Yellow Hat (benefits):
Green Hat (alternatives/creativity):
Now, wearing the Blue Hat, help me:
Organize my thoughts clearly;
Identify gaps or inconsistencies;
Point out what still needs to be considered;
Formulate a balanced synthesis or a viable next step.
Consider that my decision revolves around: [describe the dilemma or choice].
Feel free to provoke me with strategic questions if you spot any blind spots.”

Meditation

I came into contact with Buddhist philosophy when I was 14 and since then I’ve experimented with different forms of meditation. Over time, it became my favorite practice – mainly because it helped me access my intuition more clearly.

When we are dominated by our cognitive biases, we lose the perspective and discernment needed to make good choices. But, as we’ve seen, you can’t completely eliminate these biases. 

What we can do is reduce them – and meditation, according to many studies, is one of the most effective practices for this.

Contrary to what many people think, meditation is not about “emptying your mind”, but about training your attention by repeatedly redirecting your focus to a specific point outside or inside you: it could be your breath, a sound, a mantra, the flame of a candle or even a bodily sensation. This training helps you get out of the mental whirlwind and back into the present moment – and thus make less reactive and more aligned decisions.

Be a Scientist in your Life

When we’re faced with an important decision that involves trying something new, it’s common to feel hesitant because we believe the choice will be final – as if there’s no turning back. This mentality can paralyze us or make us decide out of fear rather than curiosity. Changing the way we think about the decision can help a lot.

Viewing the situation as an experiment rather than a final verdict transforms the weight of uncertainty into exploratory lightness. Instead of committing to “forever”, commit to a test period. Think like a scientist: define a feasible period to test this choice, observe the effects, collect impressions – and only then decide whether it makes sense to go down this path or not.

This approach is inspired by scientist Anne-Laure Le Cunff, founder of Ness Labs, who proposes using curiosity as a practical tool for making lighter and more conscious decisions, an idea taken from this book.

Questions that Decide

Sometimes we don’t need an answer to decide, but a question. And there is a right question for every situation. There are questions that, when asked, bring the choice with them. They are questions that lay the foundations for your decisions.
Here are some of them:

• How can I integrate the two paths into something new? Is it possible to create a third path with parts of the two paths? What would this third path look like?
• Is there a way to be true to myself without a definitive answer right now?
• What micro-choice can I make now that doesn’t tie me to any of the options?
• What would it be like to sustain this tension for longer – and what would I learn from it?
• Which part of me wants one thing – and which part wants the other? Do they have to cancel each other out?
• Can I give up being right in order to be whole? How would that influence my choice?
• I want to identify myself as a person who …….?
• When I’m at the end of my life, will I regret having/not having done it?
• What are the consequences of the first 10 days/10 months/10 years of that decision?

Final Thoughts

Deciding is an art and, like any art, it can be refined. The more self-knowledge, presence and structure you bring to the process, the lighter, clearer and more efficient it becomes

You don’t need absolute certainty to act. The essential thing is to have the courage to stay true to what you believe in as the path unfolds. A good decision is not one free of pain or loss, but one whose consequences, even the difficult ones, make sense within your story and your values. It’s about living a life that is truly yours.

And don’t forget: it all works out in the end – even if the way there seems confusing.

With love,